Southern New Jersey Overlook

Have you ever been in situations when you have someone that was quick on the trigger and shooting an insult at you and you were at a loss as what to say in return and wished you had something witty to respond, a snappy repartee.  There are different approaches to the witty insults.  Many have developed insults into an art form and some have even made money off of it...

There's the Don Rickles approach: "Oh my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?"  "Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?"  "I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!"

The Abraham Lincoln approach:  "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

The T-shirt slogan approach:  "Everyone makes mistakes, but you're abusing the privilege."  "You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."  "I've got one nerve left and you're getting on it!"  "On a scale of 1 to 10 - you're an idiot!"  "Those of you who know it all are really annoying to to those of us who do!"  "You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same."

The BlackAdder approach: "The only decent impression he can do is of a man with no talent."  "He is the most overrated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D. 31 Best Disciple Competition."  "The eyes move, the mouth opens, but Mr. Brain has long since departed." 

The Aussie approach: "She is a sandwich short of a picnic."  "He is three bricks short of a full load."   "He has kangaroos in his top paddock."  "His father was an electrician and he was his first shock."  "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."  "He's one snag short of a barbie."  "If brains were gunpowder, he couldn't blow his nose!"

The Grouch Marx approach:  "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."   "She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."  "You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."  "I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up."  "Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you."  "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."  "I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."  "Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?"   "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."  "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." 

And then there's the Mark Twain approach:   "He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages."  "Had double chins all the way down to his stomach."  "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"  "His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere."  "God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board."  "Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."  "He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity."  "You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear."   "I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight."  "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

If you're one of those that can never find the right words that you wish you could have said, well, fret no more!  

We provide a full complement of resources below that will give you the verbal upper hand in any situation.  Just spend a few sessions memorizing selections you like from the lists below and never be at a loss for the comeback remark and leave them tongue-tied for a reply...

Insults Set #1 (Fun Witty Insults)

Insults Set #2 (Insult File - Official Site)

Insults Set #3 (Medieval Insults)

Insults Set #4a (Famous People Quotes and High Class Putdowns)  Set #4b  Set#4c

Insults Set #5 (Funny Insults Collections)  More

Insults Set #6 (Letting Them Know What You Really Think Collection)

Insults Set #7 (The Reader's Digest Witty Insult Collection)


Additional references:
Shakespearean / Elizabethan Insulter  [Alternate]
Insults.net  (includes random insult generator)


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